OMG!! The Election is coming! The Election is coming!

The presidential election is very much like the Christmas season, except that it comes every four years instead of every year (Oh! Thank God!).

With Christmas, the clarion call of BUY! BUY! BUY! begins to sound nowadays before the kids have eaten half their Halloween candy.  It used to be the day after Thanksgiving; but that was Christmas past.

With the election campaign, the message blares for two whole years before the Big Day cometh.  For both Yuletide and Election, the motive is the same: to get the individual to buy something.  The power of the individual (purse string) ballot is the paramount objective.

Your hopes, dreams and fears for the (New Year) Administration are irrelevant, as you all damn well know.

I think there should be an alternative to this seasonal melee.

I propose that both political parties send their principle reps to a sports arena, as opposed to a smoke-filled back room caucus.  Given a set amount of time, say, an hour, the reps would duke it out for the next POTUS.  The Oliphants would send their power brokers and the Jackasses theirs.

I envision the vassals of the filthy rich at one end zone, the trusted servants of the proletariat at the other (Raht theere, we got us a bias goin’!).  At a pre-arranged signal, each side would run headlong to join in battle; a no-holds-barred slugathon—biting, eye gouging, groin kicking, kidney punching—all perfectly legal. 

When a single gladiator is left standing, the choice is made.  The losing side agrees to the offering of a sacrificial lamb, such as Estes Kefauver, Barry Goldwater or Michael Dukakis; then both sides retire until the next electoral games.

The former billions spent on television hate campaigns and bumper stickers would be evenly distributed amongst the registered electorate.  The voters so endowed with this unseasonal Christmas bonus would go forth and buy their families gifts with the proceedings; such as the Hope Diamond, Ferrari Tuscanys and Johnny Depp’s island.

Tons of money spread thick.  Everyone satisfied.  Life goes on. 

Peace and good would prevail throughout the land while the new president takes his office by sitting in his Captain’s Chair atop the Dreadnought Federal Pyramid and commences four more years of vain attempts to steer the beast by policy, personality, Congressional bribery and photo ops.

I can’t see how my idea would differ substantially from our current system; except the peace and tranquility part.  Oh yeah, it does kinda relegate the Independents to the showers

Hit ‘like’ if you see plausibility here; ‘comment’ if you don’t give a shit.

I’m going with ‘comment’ myself.  Not that I am unconcerned for the country’s future, I am just sick to the gills with the Big Show.  I was sick of it months ago when I foolishly unfriended a batch of my friends for too many political postings.  Three weeks before Election Day, there is as much mindless chatter as before, much of it drivel and some of it thinly veiled as hate propaganda.

Do you think by announcing that Romney’s Great-Grandfather was a polygamist or that Obama is a closet Islamic that you are in any manner influencing my choice?  Do you really?

Or has your fear of the uncertain future driven you to harden your heart and take on the outrageously brazen lies with a blind faith that makes you appear…stupid?

If the ‘wrong’ candidate wins, are you getting your shotgun out of the closet and stocking up for a siege in the certitude of civil war?

Here’s my plan: on November 6^th, short of a cardiac event, I’m going to dress and put on clean skivvies, fire up my truck, drive to my neighborhood polling station, stand in line, show my voter registration card, step in to the shrouded booth and pull a buncha levers.  May history judge my decision.

So, how are your plans shaping up for November 7^th?

And that is as much political palaver as I can stomach for the day.